Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Summertime blues

Alright I'm in a funk.

I have not cracked a book for school in weeks. I have not ridden in a couple nor done stairs either. I can point to my California trip and say well that broke the routine, I just won't say that. I am not looking forward to starting back school in the fall because I'm simply terrified of failing the semester like so many other nursing students. I am considering just not going back, not that it will do me any good. I'll still be stuck in my very dead end job.

I have my estranged 2nd older sister in town now which promises to be a headache when dealing with both her and my mother. I'm considering staying in a hotel room for a couple of nights just to avoid that mess and doing some truck camping over the weekend just to stay away from all the drama surrounding her. She comes to town expects us to cater to her every need, stirs the shit and leaves for the southwest from where she came. No one wants trouble because she is here for a week and she is visiting. It takes us months NOT to hear about her trip from Mom after she leaves. I know I am throwing everything on older sister when taking this attitude  This is one of the many reasons I liked living in Denver so much. I never had to deal with my 2nd oldest sister, she never came up because it was "too cold up there". Frankly I can't stand her. She refuses to rent a car when coming for a visit and expects us (really oldest sister because I refuse to do it) to drive her around.

The episode a few years ago when Pop was lying in the hospital post surgery to remove his bladder cancer and suffering really tore it. She insisted I take her to the airport to catch her flight back to the southwest. He was out of surgery for not even a day and having some complications, I could not envision leaving him because of that. I asked her what the rush was and she said she had to get back to her job. Which was like a slap in the face, I had taken 3-4 month leave of absence from work to come back and take care of Pop after his surgery. That trip in fact was a lynchpin in my decision to move back here. I told her that there was no way I was leaving Pop and she could at least stay for a few more days to make sure he got better. In hindsight I should have taken her to the damn airport and be rid of her. She stayed and grumbled the whole time making a tough situation worse.

Dread is the most appropriate word to use when I have to deal with her.   

On top of that I still have not worked my way through the whole dating episode. Nothing like coming back from an awesome trip working a tough job, being totally rejected then dealing with a sister you hardly ever see and cannot stand. I know this is life and how things go I really just am tired of the horse shit. I was looking forward to this summer, I really was now it's just blech. In a few weeks I'll be back in school dealing with a whole set of other problems. I really just need to get away from here and never come back ever again. In short I stay in this moment in time I'm fucked and when I go forward I'm fucked.

I'm being a big cry baby about the whole thing. It's very much a FWP. In fact the video needs a repost just to remind myself to deal with it:

Hey let's try this, I'm not currently having someone trying to dig their nasty fingernails into my arm like at work last week and although I live under two places I do not have to worry about a roof over my head or getting food into my ever expanding middle aged spread. If I wanted to avoid 2nd oldest sister I would have really planned better. Work sucks, it's nearly always sucked and will continue to well....suck. Rejection by an awesome woman nothing new there that shit used to happen a lot to me just not recently, because of the total lack of interesting women here in Georgia at least out west I had a better ratio. I have been alone for a long time and will continue to be alone. So be it. School is tough and it's suppose to be because I am dealing with peoples lives.

I'm tired of writing and complaining. time to deal with it.

Thanks for reading.

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